Edith

I found this story from high school that I just have to share. Gosh, this was bad...But I think it inwardly made the teacher, Mrs. Lehman, smile more than she let on.

The Moral of the Story Is . . .

Howard was getting married the very next day. This bachelor party that his friends were throwing was a little extravagant, but he liked it. There were beautiful women and beer kegs everywhere. Most men were having the time of their lives.
Howard had already "mingled" with three women. He was getting very hungry. He had to sustain his 310 pounds.
Just then a big cake was rolled in on a platform. Howard could have been buried in the cake, that's how big it was. He could taste it as he stared.
Just as he picked up a fork, Edith, his wife‑to‑be, popped out of the cake and shot Howard dead.
The moral of the story is. . . you can't have your cake and Edith too.

(That's how I submitted it to Mrs. Lehman, my high school senior Journalism teacher. The following is how it appeared in the school newpaper, after Mrs. Lehman edited it.)

The Moral of the Story Is . . .

Howard was getting married the very next day and the bachelor party that his friends were throwing was a little extravagant, but he liked it. There was delicious foods everywhere. Most of the men were having the time of their lives.
Howard was getting very hungry. He had to sustain his 310 pounds. Just then a big cake was rolled in on a platform. Howard could have been buried in the cake, that's how big it was. He could taste it as he stared.
Just as he picked up a fork, Edith, Howard's wife‑to‑be, popped out of the cake and shot him dead.
The moral of the story is. . . you can't have your cake and Edith too.

Teacher's comments: Very clever ending (but leave the beer + mingling stuff out of school assignments).